The situation
My manager checks every email I send, corrects my work in front of the team and makes little digs about my ability. I dread Monday mornings, and I’m starting to believe I’m as useless as he makes me feel.
Your situation, reframed
AI interpretationBeing belittled day after day wears anyone down, and the dread you feel is a reasonable response to it. The Stoic move is to separate two things: his behaviour, which reflects his own judgements and habits, and your worth, which his comments do not get to decide. Once those are apart, you can respond to the behaviour clearly instead of absorbing it.
The dichotomy of control
AI interpretationYours to act on
- Whether you accept his verdict on your ability as true
- Keeping a dated record of what is said and done
- How you respond in the moment, and whether you raise it with him, HR or someone you trust
- Whether, in time, you look for a better place to work
Not yours
- His temperament and management style
- What he says in front of the team
- How quickly the organisation acts if you raise a concern
The Stoics said
Verbatim from the source · full citationsEpictetus, Enchiridion 42
When any person treats you ill or speaks ill of you, remember that he does this or says this because he thinks that it is his duty. It is not possible then for him to follow that which seems right to you, but that which seems right to himself. Accordingly if he is wrong in his opinion, he is the person who is hurt, for he is the person who has been deceived; for if a man shall suppose the true conjunction to be false, it is not the conjunction which is hindered, but the man who has been deceived about it. If you proceed then from these opinions, you will be mild in temper to him who reviles you: for say on each occasion, It seemed so to him.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.15
Whatever anyone does or says, I must be good, just as if the gold, or the emerald, or the purple were always saying this. Whatever anyone does or says, I must be emerald and keep my colour.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.6
The best way of avenging thyself is not to become like the wrong doer.
What this means here
AI interpretationEpictetus, Enchiridion 42
A micromanager usually believes he is doing his job properly, and the passage starts there: he acts on what seems right to him, not on what seems right to you. That does not make him correct. It means his criticism is information about his opinions, and if those opinions are wrong, he is the one who has been deceived. Seeing it this way takes the personal sting out of each correction and leaves you free to judge your work by better standards than his mood.
Translation note: Reviles means insults; mild in temper means calm rather than meek. The example about a conjunction is a point of logic: a true statement does not become false because someone misjudges it.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.15
Marcus pictures gold, an emerald or purple cloth, which stay what they are whatever anyone does or says about them, and resolves to be like that himself. This speaks to the last thing you wrote: after enough digs, you start to believe them. His remarks do not change the quality of your work any more than talk changes the colour of a gem. Keeping your colour does not mean staying silent about how you are treated; it means you can raise it without first accepting his verdict on you.
Translation note: The purple was the costly dyed cloth of the ancient world; gold, emerald and purple stand for things whose worth does not depend on anyone’s opinion.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.6
Marcus, who held more power than anyone in his world, kept this one-line reminder for himself. When someone treats you with contempt, the tempting replies are to belittle them back or to pass the treatment down to the people below you. Refusing to become like him protects your character, and in its quiet way it is the most complete answer to how he behaves.
Taken together, the passages give you a way to stand inside a hard situation without being shrunk by it. His corrections reflect his opinions; your worth is not his to decide; and the one thing that would genuinely damage you is becoming like him. None of this means staying silent. Persistent belittling is a workplace problem with workplace remedies, and using them is an act of self-respect, not weakness.
One action for today
AI interpretationMorning preparation
Start a private log today: the date, what was said or done, and who was present. Before work tomorrow, take two minutes to prepare: expect the corrections, decide to answer them calmly and factually, and remind yourself that his tone is not a verdict on you. If the belittling continues, take your log to HR, a union representative or a trusted senior colleague, and if it is affecting your sleep or health, talk to your GP.
A line to carry
“Whatever anyone does or says, I must be emerald and keep my colour.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.15