The situation
I posted a short video about something I care about, and it spread far beyond the people who normally see my posts. Hundreds of strangers have piled into the comments calling me stupid, a hypocrite and a fraud, and some of the messages are genuinely nasty. I keep refreshing to read the latest ones, even at three in the morning, and I feel sick every time.
Your situation, reframed
AI interpretationBeing torn apart by hundreds of strangers is a real shock, and feeling sick about it is a normal response. In Stoic terms, their words are events outside you; whether those words get to decide what you think of yourself is the part that is yours. Most of the people commenting do not know you or the subject well, and their opinion deserves the weight you would give any uninformed stranger.
The dichotomy of control
AI interpretationYours to act on
- Whether you keep refreshing the comments
- Blocking, muting and reporting abusive accounts
- Taking a fair point on board if one turns up
- Carrying on with the work you care about
Not yours
- What strangers write, or how many of them join in
- How far the video spreads
- Whether people read your intentions fairly
The Stoics said
Verbatim from the source · full citationsEpictetus, Discourses 4.5 ¶2
… What is that to you? For no other artisan cares for the opinion of those who know not his art.—“But they will be more hostile to me for this reason.”—Why do you say “me”? Can any man injure your will, or prevent you from using in a natural way the appearances which are presented to you? In no way can he. Why then are you still disturbed and why do you choose to show yourself afraid? And why do you not come forth and proclaim that you are at peace with all men whatever they may do, and laugh at those chiefly who think that they can harm you? These slaves, you can say, know not either who I am, nor where lies my good or my evil, because they have no access to the things which are mine.
Seneca, On the Firmness of the Wise Person 19
… As for insults, offensive language, marks of disgrace, and suchlike disfigurements, he ought to bear them as he would bear the shouts of the enemy, and darts or stones flung from a distance, which rattle upon his helmet without causing a wound; while he should look upon injuries as wounds, some received on his armour and others on his body, which he endures without falling or even leaving his place in the ranks. Even though you be hard pressed and violently attacked by the enemy, still it is base to give way; hold the post assigned to you by nature. You ask, what this post is? it is that of being a man. …
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 9.27
When another blames thee or hates thee, or when men say about thee anything injurious, approach their poor souls, penetrate within, and see what kind of men they are. Thou wilt discover that there is no reason to take any trouble that these men may have this or that opinion about thee. However thou must be well disposed towards them, for by nature they are friends. And the gods too aid them in all ways, by dreams, by signs, towards the attainment of those things on which they set a value.
What this means here
AI interpretationEpictetus, Discourses 4.5 ¶2
Epictetus works through the fear of being despised step by step. By people who know you? They will not despise someone gentle and decent. By people who do not know you? Then what is their opinion to you, any more than a craftsman worries about the views of people who know nothing of the craft? He goes further: nobody can damage your will or stop you thinking clearly about what has happened, so there is no need to live in fear of them.
Translation note: Artisan means a skilled craftsman. Your will is your capacity to choose and judge, and appearances are the impressions things make on you.
Seneca, On the Firmness of the Wise Person 19
Seneca closes his essay on the firmness of the wise person with advice that fits a pile-on closely: do not get drawn into wrangling with thoughtless people, and give the crowd’s abuse no more weight than its applause, so that fear of insults never makes you give up what you care about. His image is of jeers as shouts and stones thrown from a distance, rattling on a helmet without wounding. That is not a reason to ignore genuine threats, which belong with the platform or the police. It is a reminder that a stranger’s insult is noise rather than a verdict, and that answering each one only keeps the quarrel going.
Translation note: The mob means the crowd, or public opinion at large. Womanish reflects the prejudices of Seneca’s time; his point is about being needlessly wounded by words.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 9.27
When people blame or hate him, Marcus resolves to look closely at who they are and what drives them, and once he does, he finds no reason to worry about their opinion. But he does not stop there. He also reminds himself to stay well disposed towards them, because by nature they are his fellows. That balance matters online: you can stop taking strangers’ verdicts to heart without turning bitter or firing back.
Translation note: Penetrate within means look beneath the surface. The closing line about the gods helping people through dreams and signs reflects Roman religious belief; the point is that even people who wrong you are pursuing what they think is good.
The three passages give you a way to sort the pile. A few comments may contain a fair point, and you can take it calmly. Most come from strangers who do not know you or your subject: Epictetus’s point is that their verdict carries little weight, and Seneca’s is that the crowd’s abuse deserves no more of your attention than its praise. With all of them, Marcus’s balance holds: you do not need their approval, and you do not need to hate them either. Threats, harassment or someone sharing your personal details are a different matter: those belong with the platform and, if you feel unsafe, the police.
One action for today
AI interpretationSort what's yours from what isn't · the dichotomy of control
Turn off notifications for the post now and, if the platform allows it, limit or close the comments for the next 48 hours. Ask a friend you trust to read through them once for you and flag only two things: any threats, which you should screenshot and report to the platform (and to the police if you feel unsafe), and any criticism from someone who clearly knows the subject, which you can read later when you are calm. Block and report the abusive accounts, and charge your phone outside the bedroom tonight.
A line to carry
“For no other artisan cares for the opinion of those who know not his art.”
— Epictetus, Discourses 4.5 ¶2