The situation
It’s the little things that get to me. The train is late again, someone is playing music out loud on the platform, the self-checkout freezes, the person in front walks painfully slowly. By the time I get to work I’m already furious, and I know it’s all tiny stuff, which somehow makes it worse.
Your situation, reframed
AI interpretationSmall irritations pile up, and it is draining to arrive somewhere already wound up. In Stoic terms, the delay and the noise are simply what a commute is like; the extra layer, the sense that this should not be happening to you, is the part you add yourself, and the part you can drop. Expecting friction does not make it pleasant, but it stops it taking you by surprise.
The dichotomy of control
AI interpretationYours to act on
- Expecting delays and noise before you set off
- What you do with ten unexpected minutes on a platform
- Whether you add a running commentary of complaint
- Leaving a little slack in your morning
Not yours
- Train times, signal failures and broken machines
- Other people’s habits and walking speed
- The weather and the queues
The Stoics said
Verbatim from the source · full citationsMarcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.50
A cucumber is bitter.—Throw it away.—There are briars in the road.—Turn aside from them.—This is enough. Do not add, And why were such things made in the world? For thou wilt be ridiculed by a man who is acquainted with nature, as thou wouldst be ridiculed by a carpenter and shoemaker if thou didst find fault because thou seest in their workshop shavings and cuttings from the things which they make. …
Epictetus, Enchiridion 4
… If you are going to bathe, place before yourself what happens in the bath: some splashing the water, others pushing against one another, others abusing one another, and some stealing: and thus with more safety you will undertake the matter, if you say to yourself, I now intend to bathe, and to maintain my will in a manner conformable to nature. And so you will do in every act: for thus if any hindrance to bathing shall happen, let this thought be ready: it was not this only that I intended, but I intended also to maintain my will in a way conformable to nature; but I shall not maintain it so, if I am vexed at what happens.
Seneca, On Anger 3.37
… Be prepared to submit to much. Is anyone surprised at being cold in winter? at being sick at sea? or at being jostled in the street? The mind is strong enough to bear those evils for which it is prepared. When you are not given a sufficiently distinguished place at table you have begun to be angry with your fellow-guests, with your host, and with him who is preferred above you. Idiot! What difference can it make what part of the couch you rest upon? Can a cushion give you honour or take it away? You have looked askance at somebody, because he has spoken slightingly of your talents; will you apply this rule to yourself? If so, Ennius, whose poetry you do not care for, would have hated you. …
What this means here
AI interpretationMarcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.50
Marcus gives himself the shortest possible instructions: a bitter cucumber, throw it away; briars on the path, step round them. That is enough. What he refuses to add is the complaint about why such things exist in the world at all, which he compares to a visitor grumbling about the shavings on a carpenter’s floor. Friction is part of how the world works, and the extra question of why this always happens to you is where most of the irritation comes from.
Translation note: Briars are thorny bushes. The second half reflects the Stoic view that nature wastes nothing and turns whatever decays into something new.
Epictetus, Enchiridion 4
Before going to the public baths, Epictetus advises picturing what usually happens there: splashing, shoving, insults, even theft. Then go in with two aims, to bathe and to keep your own mind in good order, so that when something goes wrong you remember the second aim was always part of the plan. Swap the baths for your commute and the advice barely changes. You are not only trying to get to work; you are also trying to arrive as yourself.
Translation note: To maintain my will in a way conformable to nature means keeping your choices and reactions in line with reason. Vexed means annoyed.
Seneca, On Anger 3.37
In this passage on anger, Seneca runs through the slights and hassles that set people off and recommends being ready to put up with a good deal. Nobody is surprised to be cold in winter or seasick on a boat, and being jostled in the street belongs on the same list. His point is that the mind copes far better with what it has prepared for. Irritation feeds on the feeling that something is unexpected; take that away and much of the heat goes with it.
Translation note: Submit to much means put up with a great deal.
Each passage tackles the irritation at a different moment. Before you leave, Epictetus’s method is to picture the likely hassles and decide how you want to be. In the moment, Marcus keeps it simple: deal with the obstacle and add no commentary. And Seneca supplies the reason it works: a mind that expects difficulty bears it more easily. None of this means accepting everything; if a service keeps failing, complain calmly through the proper channels. But most of the small stuff is best stepped round.
One action for today
AI interpretationRehearse the setback in advance · premeditatio malorum
Tomorrow, before you leave the house, take one minute to picture the likely hassles of the journey: the delay, the noise, the slow walker, the frozen machine. Decide in advance how you will meet each one, and plan something worth doing with lost minutes, such as a book or a podcast. When something goes wrong on the way, deal with it, catch yourself before adding the complaint, and notice how you feel when you arrive.
A line to carry
“A cucumber is bitter.—Throw it away.—There are briars in the road.—Turn aside from them.—This is enough.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.50