The situation
After years of slog, the small business I started has taken off. I’ve won an industry award, been interviewed on a podcast and my inbox is full of praise. I’m enjoying it more than I like to admit: I check the comments constantly, I’ve caught myself being short with people who knew me before, and part of me is terrified it will all disappear.
Your situation, reframed
AI interpretationYou worked hard for this, and it is good to enjoy it. What you are noticing is that the praise has started to steer you: how often you check for it, how you treat people, how much you fear losing it. In Stoic terms, the success itself is neither good nor bad; what matters is whether you hold it at a distance or let it move into your sense of who you are.
The dichotomy of control
AI interpretationYours to act on
- How you treat colleagues, customers and old friends
- How often you go looking for praise
- Keeping the habits and the work that built the business
- Preparing yourself for the day things go less well
Not yours
- What people say about you, good or bad
- Whether the market keeps rewarding the business
- How long the attention lasts
- Other people’s envy or admiration
The Stoics said
Verbatim from the source · full citationsSeneca, To Helvia, on Consolation 5
… I never have trusted in Fortune, even when she seemed most peaceful. I have accepted all the gifts of wealth, high office, and influence, which she has so bountifully bestowed upon me, in such a manner that she can take them back again without disturbing me: I have kept a great distance between them and myself: and therefore she has taken them, not painfully torn them away from me. …
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.20
Everything which is in any way beautiful is beautiful in itself, and terminates in itself, not having praise as part of itself. Neither worse then nor better is a thing made by being praised. I affirm this also of the things which are called beautiful by the vulgar, for example, material things and works of art. That which is really beautiful has no need of anything; not more than law, not more than truth, not more than benevolence or modesty. Which of these things is beautiful because it is praised, or spoiled by being blamed? Is such a thing as an emerald made worse than it was, if it is not praised? Or gold, ivory, purple, a lyre, a little knife, a flower, a shrub?
Epictetus, Enchiridion 48
… The signs (marks) of one who is making progress are these: he censures no man, he praises no man, he blames no man, he accuses no man, he says nothing about himself as if he were somebody or knew something; when he is impeded at all or hindered, he blames himself: if a man praises him, he ridicules the praiser to himself: if a man censures him, he makes no defence: he goes about like weak persons, being careful not to move any of the things which are placed, before they are firmly fixed: he removes all desire from himself, and he transfers aversion (ἔκκλισιν) to those things only of the things within our power which are contrary to nature: he employs a moderate movement towards everything: whether he is considered foolish or ignorant, he cares not: and in a word he watches himself as if he were an enemy and lying in ambush.
What this means here
AI interpretationSeneca, To Helvia, on Consolation 5
Writing to console his mother, Seneca explains why losing wealth and high office did not break him. He had accepted those gifts while keeping a great distance between them and himself, so when Fortune took them back, nothing was torn away. The award, the attention and the growth are real, but they arrived from outside and can leave the same way. Enjoy them as gifts on loan, not as proof of what you are.
Translation note: She is Fortune, pictured as a goddess who hands out luck and takes it back. Puffed up means inflated with self-importance.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.20
Marcus reminds himself that anything genuinely good is complete in itself: an emerald is no worse for going unpraised, and truth or kindness is no better for being applauded. Your work was worth doing before the podcast, and it will be worth the same when the inbox goes quiet. When the comments start to feel like the measure of the work, this passage moves the measure back to where it belongs.
Translation note: The vulgar means ordinary people, not crude ones. Terminates in itself means it is complete without anything added.
Epictetus, Enchiridion 48
Epictetus lists the signs of someone making real progress, and several fit your situation closely: he does not talk himself up as if he were somebody, he privately makes light of praise instead of feeding on it, and he keeps a watchful eye on himself. His wording about the praiser is sharper than you need to be with the people congratulating you; you can thank them warmly. The useful core is refusing to take their compliments as a verdict on your worth, just as you would refuse to take an insult as one.
Translation note: Censures means criticises. Ridicules the praiser to himself means he privately laughs the compliment off rather than taking it to heart.
Seneca shows how to hold success: close enough to enjoy, far enough that losing it would not tear anything. Marcus shows that praise adds nothing to work that is good. Epictetus shows what staying grounded looks like day to day: not talking yourself up, not feeding on compliments and keeping an honest watch on yourself. The fear that it will all disappear eases once you stop treating the success as part of you, because then losing it would be a loss of circumstances, not of self.
One action for today
AI interpretationEvening review
For the next week, check comments and messages once a day at a set time and leave them alone otherwise. Each night before sleep, ask yourself three questions: whom did I treat worse today because I felt important, what did I say about myself that was there to impress, and what did I do that would still be worth doing if nobody praised it? Then make one small repair the next day, starting with the people who knew you before.
A line to carry
“Neither worse then nor better is a thing made by being praised.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.20